Tag Archives: Seeking

Bad apple (or galaxy)

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tablet sizes are NOT true to life

 

I’ve struggled with desiring techie stuff most of my adult life.  I freely admit I like the newest items in the technological field, whether that be phones, eReaders, computers, software or hardware.   You would think living in a developing country those things wouldn’t be an issue, but it is (for me).

When I’m tempted to covet another item of technology I ask myself “how selfish can I be?”  There are people literally dying all around me and I am drooling over the newest Galaxy Tab or iPad (leaning towards the Samsung Galaxy Tab 2 10.1).  Now here’s the raw, honest truth….sometimes I even think, I’m here and have given up so much to be here, why can’t I look at the newest tablet?  It’s the same with running water, I get frustrated (we’ve not had running water for about a week now) but I know firsthand there are people all over the world, our next door neighbor for one, who do not have running water and have to fetch water from various locations (some not so sanitary).  Lord forgive me those times and thank you for not striking me with lightening.  I know Christ has “given up” more than I can imagine for me and I’m not even as cool looking as a Galaxy Tab or iPad!

By no means am I finished fighting this selfishness but when I catch glimpses of a less selfish me from time to time it reminds me God hasn’t given up on me, He is still working in my life.  (I’m also not stupid….I would never refuse a generous gift!)

God knows my selfish nature and He knows I continue to struggle with it, but as I said before, He hasn’t given up on me.

 

Hello

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Just wanted to get out a quick blog post….I’m working on another post but needed a bit more time to mull over my wording.  Guess what I mean is pray over my wording to make sure it comes across as truthful but not misunderstood.

I probably won’t ever have the perfect blog post where everyone understands my meaning, but at least I can ask God to help me with what He wants me to say.

I ask for your prayers for this ministry’s direction and that we continue to seek His will and purpose for it.

 

What’s your idol?

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Idols come in all shapes, forms and sizes…it could be a person or a object.  Whatever it is that takes my focus away from God and becomes an “all important” item is an idol.  I’ve had many idols throughout my life.  When I was younger it was the idol of being accepted and loved which led to some bad choices.  After I accepted Christ I KNEW He was there to forgive my bad choices and help me learn to make better ones.  But that didn’t mean I set aside my idols forever.

I notice an idol can begin as a very small thing but grow into a full blown “golden calf” (reference to Exodus 32).  I admit, my car was one of those things growing into a golden calf.  I loved my car (first mistake, nothing is really mine).  Washing it by hand (no car washes in order to keep it scratch free) and driving it anywhere, anytime.  I didn’t want anyone driving it or parking too close.  It was important to me.

I knew deep down it was just an object, but oh what an object it was to me!  Then God called us to the mission field…Kenya.  I had to make a very hard decision to let go of this very near and dear to my heart item.  This meant getting rid of the  hold it had on me and letting God take hold of me instead.  Trusting that God would fill whatever void I felt only this car could fill.

Admittedly I still think about my car once in a while, but it’s funny, I think of the freedom I had driving not necessarily the car itself.  My perspective has changed quite a bit since living here in Kenya and I know God has filled that void but continually inspecting my life for what is or may become an idol in my life is an ongoing search of my heart.  It may not be an object but perhaps serving Him.  Do I forget it’s God who moves my heart not the needs of the people around me?  I have to remember I’m here (in Kenya) out of love and obedience to HIM…no one or nothing else.


 Their silver and gold
will not be able to deliver them
in the day of the LORD’s wrath.
It will not satisfy their hunger
or fill their stomachs,
for it has caused them to stumble into sin.  Ezekiel 7:19b

Praying my idol continues to be my Lord and Savior and when I fall I thank Him for His forgiveness and love so freely given.

Fearing what?

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Fear of the Lord has been on my mind lately, I guess it really should be more often, but one of the drawbacks of being human is I digress, repress, forget or just simply don’t take the time (the devils playground seems to be my humanistic, emotional mentality).  Anyway, while I was reading Jeremiah 7 it hit me again.  God tells His people (over and over) that they continue to ignore His command – “I gave them this command: Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it may go well with you.” (v. 23) and I too have been given this command but continue to “not listen or pay attention; instead, they (I) followed the stubborn inclinations of their (my) evil hearts. They (I) went backward and not forward.”  He sounds angry...“Has this house, which bears my Name, become a den of robbers to you? But I have been watching! declares the LORD.” (v.11), “The Lord has rejected and abandoned this generation that is under his wrath” (v.29), “I will bring an end to the sounds of joy and gladness” (v.34).  Those all sound like things I should fear…

So I wonder, what is fear of the Lord?  Is it the fear of what He could do to me (basically obliterate me in the blink of an eye, even just a thought) or is it the fear of what He could stop doing for me (all the stuff He protects me from on a daily basis and I just seem to take it for granted)?  The Psalms have several verses on fear (here are just a few):

  • Serve the LORD with fear and celebrate his rule with trembling.  2:11
  • The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The decrees of the LORD are firm, and all of them are righteous.  19:9
  • Who, then, are those who fear the LORD? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.  25:12
Through Christ I work towards a healthy respect and fear of the Lord – knowing He is above all else in Heaven and on Earth.  He is the creator of everything, including me with my doubts, questions and yes fears and I know along the way He will “instruct [me] in the ways [I] should choose” (Psalm 25:12)

Yup, that’s sin

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7 You might think I am saying that sin and the law are the same thing. That is not true. But the law was the only way I could learn what sin meant. I would never have known what it means to want to take something belonging to someone else if the law had not said, “You must not want to take your neighbor’s things.”  8 And sin found a way to use that command and cause me to want all kinds of things I should not want. But without the law, sin has no power.9 I was alive before I knew the law. But when the law’s command came to me, then sin began to live,10 and I died. The command was meant to bring life, but for me it brought death.11 Sin found a way to fool me by using the command to make me die.

12 So the law is holy, and the command is holy and right and good.13 Does this mean that something that is good brought death to me? No! Sin used something that is good to bring death to me. This happened so that I could see what sin is really like; the command was used to show that sin is very evil.  Romans 7: 7-13 (emphasis mine)

I love the fact of knowing with the law we can see “the command was used to show that sin is very evil“.  It is so easy to trick ourselves into believing something isn’t sin, but when I look at the commands the sin is right out there, front and center.  This was brought to my attention recently because I’ve been debating on whether or not to make a trip to the states for a couple of months.  I really want to go visit friends and family but am I wanting something outside God’s will for me right now?  Is sin using something good (seeing family and friends) to bring death to me (disobedience to God)?

Obeying is much more than just a flippant thought of “yes I will obey”, but must be something desired deep within my soul and yes to be honest I don’t feel that deep desire to obey on this one quite yet!  You’re probably saying “come on, it’s been over a year already, get with the program” but it seems I’m still fighting God.  There are days when I do feel contentment with where God has me but there are other days I just want to have an earth shattering experience and finally come to that place where obedience is a joyful experience…always, or at least most of the time :)

Maybe it’s time to stop fighting and relying on emotional experiences and just lay it all out there for God to deal with.  Oh boy, guess I should hold on tight for this ride!

 

 

Moving along

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Just to get this off my chest…I have a cold (started while we were in Nakuru-no I didn’t catch it from the 16 or so people living there…most likely brought it with me so I’m hoping they don’t catch it!)  I’m not very good with being sick, meaning I find it hard to “work through” the illness but with 12 people coming on Sunday I need to get some stuff done.  Yesterday we purchased a lot of the dry food stuff along with paper products and Saturday we’ll be picking up many of the fresh food items for the week.  Arrangements are being made for transport – confirmations I guess I should say, we’ve already talked with the drivers :)   Today, along with a few personal errands, Tarrin and I will be making sure the room is prepared for everyone because that first day will be exhausting and I want them to be able to just crash once they arrive at the compound.

Having things to do while being sick is sometimes how I feel about my spiritual walk…finding it hard to focus and continue on, but I know God is ALWAYS there even when I’m not looking at Him.  When I eventually realize (usually through much prompting by the Holy Spirit) my focus is off and return to seeking God then I find I’m not just “working through” my sluggish walk, but truly enjoying the time the Lord grants me to serve Him.  So sick or not I am enjoying that God has shown me how He wants me to serve at this particular moment. <cough, sniff>

Not my type

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What does a missionary look like to you?  I had my own preconceived notions, while living in the States I thought missionaries were those who went into the bush in 3rd world countries, preached to native groups of people and cared for the sick, dying, orphaned and widowed in a completely hands-on capacity.  That’s what I thought I was supposed to do or be after being called to live in Kenya but that style of missionarying never seemed to be a driving force in me or a desire God placed in my heart.  Yes I know we are told  “Religion that God the Father accepts as pure and without fault is this: caring for orphans or widows who need help, and keeping yourself free from the world’s evil influence.“  James 1:27 but I’m coming to realize missionaries come in all shapes, sizes and talents and caring for orphans and widows comes in all sorts of styles, methods and locations.

The number of followers was growing. But during this same time, the Greek-speaking followers had an argument with the other followers. The Greek-speaking widows were not getting their share of the food that was given out every day. The twelve apostles called the whole group of followers together and said, “It is not right for us to stop our work of teaching God’s word in order to serve tables.  So, brothers and sisters, choose seven of your own men who are good, full of the Spirit and full of wisdom. We will put them in charge of this work.  Then we can continue to pray and to teach the word of God.” Acts 6:1-4

This verse helps me to see we aren’t all called to the same type of missionarying (my made up word and I like it!) …some are called to “serve tables” in order for those who are called to be more hands on or preach or start Bible studies can continue doing what they are called to do.  Is it a cop-out?  I don’t believe so because God has given me gifts and talents that help me serve the best table I can and with His gifts I am helping the widowed, orphaned, dying and sick.  It might not be in the manner I thought it was supposed to be but God is teaching me to grasp His idea of a missionary instead of my own.