(Read Part V)
God continued working on getting me to depend on Him totally instead of Chuck, but most of that realization would be done after surgery and in retrospective thinking and prayer. Right now He was working on my attitude and giving me peace in knowing whatever the outcome He would hold me in His arms and take care of me. My main concern was still making sure our kids would understand I was ready to meet the Lord and they shouldn’t be afraid.
Before leaving Dr. B’s office he prayed with us, gave me everything I needed to begin the prep for surgery (scheduled for Monday) and gave me a book titled When Your Doctor Has Bad News by Al B. Weir. I highly recommend it to anyone who has been given bad news. While reading it I could say “I felt that way” or “I’m not sure what to think next” and other questions I had in my mind that no one else could answer. God was giving me His peace and showing me His love through Dr. B’s skill and confidence, through a book I had never heard of before, and Chuck’s constant touch on my back to hold me through the questions, even if I didn’t know the answers.
By the time we reached home I was exhausted. It seems to be so much more draining to have an emotionally demanding day than a physical one, don’t you think? We knew we had to talk to the kids, but Chuck and I talked for a bit first on how to tell the kids. He’s a pretty straight forward guy and I was having a hard time concentrating and knew it would be difficult for me to speak. However, I knew God was in control of the situation because His peace was continually filling me and helping me keep my mind focused on His love.
It may sound nonchalant but I didn’t worry about me, I was worried about my kids (Tarrin, Justin, Mark and Amanda) and how they would react. I wanted them to know where my strength was coming from, that even if I was scared of what lie ahead I knew the Lord would watch over us all and get us through the coming days.
(Go to Part VII)