I was chatting with a friend yesterday and we were discussing how most of the time it is not the particular events of a situation that escalate it, but rather how we respond to the situation itself. I told him about some of the times I have reacted badly to a situation which only caused it to escalate when it could have been “toned-down” if I would have reacted appropriately. The question I posed was what causes us to act out the way we do, resulting in more harm than good, and how should we react to a situation (what is our guidance). After some thought and discussion it boiled down to our “sin nature”. You may say, “of course it does”, but let’s not stop at just stating the obvious. To get to the root we have to take a look at what is underlying our sin nature. From where I sit, pride (ego) and greed are two forces which keep us from acting appropriately. When my pride is hurt or I am “attacked” (my ego threatened) I tend to become defensive. Defensiveness usually comes out as anger or superiority, drives the other person away or even possibly hurts them because I say hurtful things that I don’t even mean and wish I could take back the moment they exit my lips. Greed I equate to selfishness. You can either be selfish (greedy) or selfless (putting others ahead of your own wants and even needs). I am not saying if you have a need you can’t use your resources to meet it. What I am saying is because of greed our “needs” may actually be “wants” which are placed ahead of the actual need of others, affecting how we react to their request for help.
Let’s take a look at one of the two above, pride, and look at an example to see how we are to respond when our pride (ego) is threatened (we will talk about greed next week). For me the ultimate example is Jesus Christ. Looking at His life, as portrayed in the Bible, gives us example after example of how to respond to those that attack our pride (for those of you that can’t wait the answer is BE HUMBLE). If anyone could have had an ego it was Jesus…He is the Son of God! Instead, His response was the exact opposite of what you would expect from someone who could have called upon the heavens to assist Him…He responded in love to all sorts of evil brought against Him. Jesus was demeaned by most of the people of His time. He was talked about behind His back, accused of things that were not true, literally beat and spit upon and ultimately died for the same people who did all these things to Him. He could do this because He never forgot His mission and where His identity was…in God the Father. He remembered this life is temporary and short compared to the next. He knew having an ego, letting His pride get in the way of what He was called to do, would only hinder the situation and certainly not help His mission…we must understand the same thing (whatever our “mission” is at the time). Don’t allow yourself to get wrapped up in this life or, when your pride is threatened by someone attacking whatever your ego is wrapped up in (job, money and yes, even a good thing like family), you could be adding to your own misery, and the misery of others, by protecting your ego over loving your neighbor (spouse, children, family and friends). Instead, take a second, breathe, know that your worth is simply being a child of God, and respond in love (which may even mean not speaking at all) and humility…even when the other person may not be lovable at the time. I am sure I have been that unlovable person many times…please forgive me as I continue to learn God gives grace to the humble…not the proud.