This past week has not had any “amazing” moments. Tammy and I are coming closer to the reality of making the move to Kenya. We are busy getting prepared and trying to anticipate what we need to take with us. We have run out of food money for the orphanages. I am writing letters to see if the Lord moves people to assist us personally with funds (knowing God’s people will be our only source of income). I am realizing the world will go on in our home town of Phoenix, AZ without us. I have a sadness about leaving our children whom we have been blessed with. I am thinking about leaving our friends…all without any “amazing” moments.
I tell you this because when those moments are not present it makes me have to draw closer to God. The same, or at least similar, daily life issues and thoughts have come up before, but were in between fantastic God moments and therefore were easier to bear. When they take place and God seems far away and I don’t experience those “highs” I have to focus more closely on Him to find the joy which carries me through. I personally have not felt our Lord’s presence much of this week (even though He has not moved), even in my prayer time (which has also suffered this week) and my reading of Scripture (which I normally can’t wait to do each day, but has not been on the top of my list). My joy has been replaced with anxiety, loneliness, sadness and a feeling of being distant from our Lord.
So, where do I go from here? I must continue pressing on. I must allow myself to be drug lower until Jesus is all I can see. I must live what my faith tells me which is God’s grace is sufficient. I must find my joy in simply being His child and being obedient even while I don’t feel like it. I must embrace the fact that God is God and controls everything. I will persevere and wait for the next amazing God moment….I am confident it is just around the corner…even if I don’t feel it.