Getting to know someone takes time. But how do you go about it? I guess you begin by communicating. What do you do? Are you married? Children? Those types of questions which are pretty superficial but necessary, I believe, to starting some sort of friendship. We find out if we have things in common, things we can build upon for our friendship to flourish.
Once those questions are answered and we feel we have something in common then maybe we can move on to “life” questions. Questions that bring more familiarity to our friendship. I’ve asked someone “what are you doing today?” which I think is a pretty basic question, something to talk about, something to help build our friendship. But when I get the response “I’m going to see someone about something sometime.” (that is an actual answer I’ve gotten) that pretty much ends the conversation. Where do we go from there? Do I pry and ask “WHO are you seeing?” or “WHAT exactly are you doing?” or do I let it go and move on?
How do you build friendships without communication? How do you build friendships without trust? It may not even be that they don’t trust me (to know who they are seeing, or when, or why), it’s just their culture…how it’s always been done. But how do you get past the superficial stuff and build trust?
Maybe in the US we are too open. When someone asks me what I’m doing I pretty much give them a detailed report of my day…who I’m seeing, when I’m seeing them, why I’m seeing them, where I’m seeing them. It may be too much information but it is a way to have communication. The other person can respond…”I saw them yesterday” or “I love Starbucks” or “maybe after you see them we can get together”.
I don’t know, maybe I’m being too sensitive. Taking it the wrong way and making assumptions I shouldn’t be making. Or maybe when the right “friend” comes along they’ll tell me exactly what they are doing, when, where and with who (or is it whom?).
Until them I’m off to see someone about something sometime somewhere!