I’ve been hosting a party lately.  It started as a small party but has gradually grown.  The party I’m referring to is my very own “pity party”.  It’s been descending over me for the past couple of weeks – like dark clouds I see coming, yet I don’t want to arrive.  Until finally it builds up enough steam and tears are shed.  This “party” is a vicious circle of negative thoughts, doubt and no motivation to do ANYTHING but sit at home which gets the cycle going at full force.  Satan uses this time to put questions in my mind – “what good are you doing here?”, “does God really want you here?”, “how is God using you?”.  But since I’m my own host instead of seeking God’s help I just sit in the middle of the activity, letting the questions come.  (Chuck has heard it all from me and watched the tears…although he is unable to move the dark clouds away he is a great listener and I thank God for him and his love not only for me but his deep love for God.)

My daily devotional continued but it definitely lacked any spark.  It was like I wanted it so badly to do something yet I wasn’t putting anything into it but reading…no listening on my part.  Then the other day I picked up the Bible and read John 7 & 8, hearing about the living water.  My mood wasn’t instantly lifted but just that step towards obedience and seeking God…for what I haven’t a clue as to what to pray for…made me feel a tiny bit refreshed.   I know, as I continue having struggles, where to look for the source of strength and focus and pray God continues pushing me towards dependence on Him and Him alone.

So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.  2 Peter 1:12-15

I thank God for His refreshment and for all those throughout the Bible who were obedient in putting God’s words on paper because, as Peter felt, “…it is right to refresh your memory“.