Seems I’ve been struggling lately on just how much honesty I should be putting in the blog.  Now, don’t take that wrong, I never lie in my blog posts.  It’s just that I may not always give you the hard, blatant truths of what I may be going through at any given time.  For instance, one question I’ve had is – what’s the difference between being joyous and being happy?  Because if I were to be totally honest with you I’d have to say I am not especially happy.  Wow that was harder to type then I thought, but it’s the truth.  Sure I have moments of happiness but my question is where or when does joy come into account?  And will having joy mean being happy?  Am I confused in thinking joy and happiness should be intertwined?  Because yes I’m happy kids are being educated, feed, clothed, loved, shown hope, given the opportunity to see God working.  Is it just my selfish nature that makes me feel I am supposed to be happy?

Am I concentrating too much on what I’m “missing” (kids, family, friends) and not what I have?  Are my feelings dictating my thoughts instead of just simply believing that God is EVERYTHING?  Do I need to discard my expectations of what I thought “ministry” would be like and truly begin to listen and see how God would rather use me?  Perhaps stop beating myself up over what I thought a “missionary” should do/be and start realizing I’m not that person, again, letting God lead.

Please don’t take this post as my plea for sympathy…God has me here and I know I’m supposed to be here so He is definitely teaching me things I need to learn – guess I’m just a little thick headed.  Hmmm, I wonder, is that where the joy is…in being completely content knowing I’m where God wants me?