That’s really not a question for me….I’m a hugger. To this day (well three years ago) I hugged my adult kids frequently and was hugged by my mom, relatives, and in-laws….looking forward to many, many hugs during our US visit! This wasn’t something we discussed but something we grew up with, and to be honest a hug feels good, especially when hurting.
Kenya apparently has a different culture regarding hugs. According to culture (and I’ve been told this is officially written somewhere but at the time of this writing I could not find where that is located) no child over the age of 6 should be hugged. Most older kids, especially boys, will be stiff and very uncomfortable with a hug….something I’ve experienced but couldn’t understand until now. It is not part of their culture so a hug is foreign to them. I’m learning, again especially with the boys, to be less huggy with them (estimating the child’s comfort level with hugging). It’s hard though because I’m used to hugging my boys (Justin and Mark), they are people I love to hug….they’re my boys after all!
Recently we had to tell two of our kids their grandfather had passed away. The older girl (14 years old) took it a bit harder than her brother (10 years old) but we assured them they still have a home here at C4KK. We also expressed our hope in seeing loved ones who love the Lord in Heaven one day.
It was so sad though when we asked if there was anyone at their home village they would like to talk to, they both thought for a moment then replied “no, no one”. Grandfather was the last of the family who cared for these two, even though they had seldom seen him over the past few years. During their stay at a corrupt, illegal children’s home they were never given the opportunity to see him and he did not have the funds to visit them. When that home was no longer caring for them (no food, no schooling, etc.) they returned to grandfather and then came to live at C4KK where arrangements were made for all the children to visit their guardians/families during this past December’s holiday from school.
How does that all come down to a hug? Well as we were finishing talking with the kids and making sure they understood they could ask us any questions about the situation, they both stood to leave. I put my hand on the girls shoulder, she put her arm around my waist and ever so slightly pulled me…not enough to embrace but enough to tell me “hug me!”. And hug her I did! She squeezed hard, a hug to rival any my adult kids have given me!
You know what? I believe it eased her mind a bit from the grief, knowing we were here for her and her brother! I say to hug is better than not to hug any day!