Seems God is putting themes into my life lately and it’s coming through friends sharing various articles or blogs I’ve subscribed to. Sorry, don’t mean to sound ambiguous so here’s the links for you to read:
12 Ways to Assist Returning….Missionaries – This isn’t primarily a “southern baptist” thing because some of this can apply to other missionary groups. God has blessed us with a vehicle and a place to lay our heads each and every night…thank you and your prayers ARE appreciated and needed as this ministry grows.
The Need for a New Missions Paradigm – I’ve lived some of this through the 8 years in Kenya. We’ve found we can’t and shouldn’t do some things “the American” way in a Kenyan culture. Working through trial and error is hard work and mentally draining and there have been, and will continue to be, set backs. If I don’t present a pulled together missionary doing God’s will or show “progress”, will people still donate?
Why Missionaries Can Never Go Home Again – I’ve definitely been feeling this one since we’ve been back in the US. The question, where do I belong?, has been on my mind and heart since setting foot on US soil. Friends here continued their lives while I began a life there, making it difficult to hold regular conversations.
Getting back to a “normal” life really isn’t an option. You can’t “unsee” what we’ve seen and lived with in Kenya, nor would I want to. God has given me eye opening, heart wrenching situations which have pushed me ever closer to Him but trying to live with one foot in the US and one foot in Kenya is difficult and continues to be a struggle for me.
Having someone comment about us having so much fun in the US brings up guilt feelings.
- Why is living in a totally different culture so hard?
- What’s wrong with me that I can’t deal with it on a long term basis?
- Isn’t God enough?
- Am I not relying on God to get me through the struggles?
When you Feel Overwhelmed – Feeling overwhelmed seems to come easily for me, I see and hear all the needs and we just can’t help everyone. Which is another article brought to my attention titled Stop Helping Everyone.
As mentioned, God has been working on me in different areas and here are the recurring themes being brought to my attention:
- God is with me no matter the choice I make, as long as I’m asking for His will to be done and seeking that…sometimes I believe we just need to make a decision and move on.
- My purpose is to be in a relationship with God, which needs healing on my side, not putting the mission ahead of that relationship.
- Giving God the glory for everything that happens in my life.
I guess I’d rather be in turmoil over this than to be “comfortable”. Being comfortable indicates (to me) an acceptance of life with no desire to grow, stretch, learn, step out or see what breaks God’s heart. So even though it’s a confusing time, I want to continue to feel and see what breaks His heart and learn how He wants me to move forward.