(Read Part VI)
Chuck explained the situation to the kids but I really don’t remember what he said. I do, however, remember him giving them encouragement and reassuring them we were doing everything we needed to with the doctors. Trying to make sure they understood I was ok with what was happening was another matter. How do you reassure someone you are confident about whatever the future holds when you are talking about something with such a negative connotation as cancer? At the time they were 20, 18, 16 and 15 and no one in our immediate family had ever had cancer, so this was their first exposure to a deadly disease. I could only tell them I was trusting God and He had given me peace that no matter what happened He would love me, and them, through it.
As I look back at it I realize they each reacted to the news in their own particular personality style. They all had tears, but Tarrin had questions about the procedure, would it work etc. Justin was contemplative and trusting we were doing all we could. Mark was shocked yet ready to trust God with it and Amanda is our “glass half full” daughter so she wanted to believe everything would be fine. We hugged, we cried, we laughed and God’s peace filled my heart and I prayed He was also covering the kids. We told them to be open with any questions, concerns or comments and we would always tell them the truth and if we didn’t know the answer we would pray for one.
I don’t remember much else from that weekend, except feeling a need to be close to the kids and Chuck. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t scared. It may not make sense to anyone but I wasn’t worried (God was giving me such peace about it) but scared about the unknown future, sad to think of my kids without a mom and what I’d be missing in their lives. At the time thinking of being with Christ wasn’t a joyful thought because I felt I may be losing my family, but throughout the weekend …”the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7) He was continuing to love me and show me where my dependence must lie – with Him! It was a huge time of maturing in my faith and what a blessing He would use whatever He needs to bring us back to Him!
(Go to Part VIII)