Being totally honest with you…the last year has sucked, for me. I felt angry and bitter for being “thrown” into this country which I just don’t fit into, unable (or unwilling) to make friends, not understanding (or agreeing) with much of the cultural differences, being taken advantage of (hence the unwillingness to make friends), hands held out wherever I go asking for something (kids yelling at the truck as we go by “how are you sweet?” because they want to greet us but yet want to get it out they want a sweet before we go by them), missing my kids and friends. I simply did not want to learn the language and communicate with people.
Maybe not learning the language was my way of saying…I’m not staying or I don’t want to stay. Either way, my feelings have softened a bit. I don’t feel as angry or bitter but an acceptance of where God has put me and with that comes a desire to begin really learning the language. Then the guilt came on, “have I wasted an entire year?” Perhaps, but the other day I asked that question to God and I didn’t really get an answer but a feeling of lightness, forgiveness.
It’s time to move forward and set my feelings aside and concentrate on learning. Once I accepted His forgiveness the next day my devotional read “Those who get wisdom do themselves a favor, and those who love learning will succeed.” Proverbs 19:8
Isn’t it good to be able to be honest and share how you feel and be truthful. God loves an honest heart. I just read in First Corinthians:
1Co 14:2 For he that speaketh in an unknown tongue speaketh not unto men, but unto God: for no man understandeth him; howbeit in the spirit he speaketh mysteries.
1Co 14:3 But he that prophesieth speaketh unto men to edification, and exhortation, and comfort.
1Co 14:4 He that speaketh in an unknown tongue edifieth himself; but he that prophesieth edifieth the church.
1Co 14:5 I would that ye all spake with tongues, but rather that ye prophesied: for greater is he that prophesieth than he that speaketh, with tongues, except he interpret, that the church may receive edifying.
Speaking in tongues means and unknown language to the people you are with. It is good to speak to God in our own language but when we are with the people that are around us, it does them no good if we speak in a foreign tongue. Speaking their language will allow them to be more comfortable around you, will allow them to listen to you. They can then here about Jesus Christ and how He died on a cross for their sins and that they need to accept Him as their Savior.
I am so proud of you that you are taking that step to serve your Lord. It is not always easy to do what God wants us to do. But, think about when you see His face one day and He can say to you:
Mat 25:21 “…Well done, thou good and faithful servant: …”
you bring me to tears sis. you are more an inspiration than many, many women I have met in my life. no time is wasted. God has a plan for you and your growth is all within his plan. What’s the saying? God knows what you can handle