(Read Part II here)
The results were supposed to be in the following Friday, but on Tuesday Dr. S called and wanted us to come in, so I called Chuck at work and he came home. On the way to the appointment Chuck told me the doctor saw something during the procedure he didn’t like so we need to be prepared for what he has to say. I’m not much of a doomsayer or worrier so I thought “ok, there’s polyps (like my mom had) and he couldn’t remove them at the time because they were too big or in a difficult spot.” Cancer never entered my thought process; I just knew that whatever we heard everything would be fine. I had my husband beside me, loving me through whatever “it” was. That was an area God was going to begin working on me throughout this process – my dependence was more on Chuck than on God and it needed to be arranged properly (and Chuck had placed me over God…a good thing becoming an idol).
Sitting in Dr. S’s office he began showing us pictures of my procedure and then said ‘cancer’ after which, if you’ve ever been told you have cancer you can probably relate to this, I really didn’t hear much else he said. My mind was racing with questions – how could this be? I felt fine, was in pretty good shape, ate well and worked out, could he be mistaken? Am I dying? Will it be painful? But my main thought went to my children. I knew the Lord Jesus as my personal Savior so I knew where I’d be going, although I didn’t much like the prospect of thinking how I’d get there, but I wanted my kids to understand the peace I had. I began praying for that peace to envelop me and flow into my kids.
It seemed as if we had been sitting in Dr. S’s office for hours because I was in shock and Chuck asked all the questions. Chuck is a take-control type of person and that’s exactly what he did in this situation, asking the particulars of the cancer (type II aggressive, 45mm mass attached to the colon wall), what was the next step, what to look for in the coming days, etc. My suggestion to anyone who may be receiving “bad” news from a doctor-take someone with you so they can write down the details of what the doctor is telling you, your mind will most likely be numb like mine was.
(Go to Part IV)